Raising a Free Thinker: A Mother’s Journey Across Faith and Choice

I am a Malay atheist, married to a Hindu man, raising a daughter in a world full of beliefs. From the beginning, I made a conscious choice, I would not raise her within a single religion.

Instead, I chose to expose her to all of them. I brought her to Novena Church, to Buddhist temples, and to Chinese temples. We would sit quietly, observe how people worship, and later, at home, we would talk about what we saw.

When my brother got married, we attended his akad nikah at the mosque. Both of us were excited. We dressed in our baju kurung and wore our tudung, and walked in together. For me, it felt like stepping into the past. I remembered the days I used to attend religious classes and sit right in front, not wanting to miss anything. That was many years ago.

Do I miss it? No. It belongs to my past, and that is where it will remain.

But for my daughter, it was something entirely new. As we sat there among relatives and friends, I watched her.

She was curious, looking around, taking everything in. She noticed a small group praying quietly in a corner, and she commented on how simple the mosque felt compared to the Hindu temples she was more familiar with.

That night, we talked about it. She asked many questions, and I answered as honestly as I could.

Then she asked me something deeper: “Why did you move away from the religion?”

And I told her. Even though I left the religion of my birth, I never left my family. We still visit relatives during Hari Raya, and she joins me. These moments are important, not for religion, but for connection. I have never tried to influence her spiritual path.

In our home, we don’t talk about heaven or hell when we speak about doing good.

Instead, I tell her: “Help others because it is the right thing to do. Treat others the way you want to be treated.”

To me, it is simple, seeing another person as yourself.

One day, she came home confused after spending time with her cousin. She asked, “What is halal?”

They had gone out for lunch, and she couldn’t understand why her cousin refused to eat chicken rice because it wasn’t halal. So we talked about it. That has always been my approach, expose, explain, and allow questions. No topic is off-limits.

Over the years, we’ve talked about sex, LGBT issues, same-sex marriage, religion, and even theories about the origin of life. Nothing is too sensitive.

Once, I asked my husband: “What if our daughter falls in love with a Muslim man and wants to convert?”

He didn’t want to think about it. But I did. Because for me, it is not about control, it is about awareness. If she chooses something, she must understand what she is choosing.

And if one day she says: “I made a mistake. I want to walk away.” She should be able to. And I will make sure she is never alone in that.

Then came a moment I will never forget. When it was time for her to collect her IC, the officer asked: “What is your religion?” She looked at me. And I told her: “It’s your choice.”

She paused… and then wrote: “Free Thinker.”

In that moment, I felt something I cannot fully describe. Not victory. Not relief. Just… pride.

March 19th, 2026